Expert: Someone who brings confusion to simplicity.
If you want to see what your friends and family think of you, die broke, and see who comes to your funeral.
The first step to wisdom is to avoid the common fallacy which considers everything profound that is obscure.
The best way to lose weight is to develop an orthodox belief in some religion that doesn't allow any fun.
To a warden, Utopia is an escape-proof jail.
The most touching epitaph I ever encountered was on the tombstone of the printer of Edinburgh. It said simply: ''He kept down the cost and set the type right.''.
Politics: The highest calling to the lowest falling.
United Nations: Where America feeds the hands that bite it.
A writer is a person who has solutions for which there are no riddles.
Occasionally, when honesty was the best policy, he was honest.
The right man, in the right place, at the right time - can steal millions.
Grief, and an estate, is joy understood.