Mark Twain Quotes

When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear.

Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please.

All generalizations are false, including this one.

Wrinkles should merely indicate where smiles have been.

The human race has only one really effective weapon and that is laughter.

Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.

You can't depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.

When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain.

Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born at the age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen.

All you need is ignorance and confidence and the success is sure.

A person who won't read has no advantage over one who can't read.

A person with a new idea is a crank until the idea succeeds.

Denial ain't just a river in Egypt.

When I was younger I could remember anything, whether it happened or not.

When in doubt tell the truth.

Wit is the sudden marriage of ideas which before their union were not perceived to have any relation.

Work is a necessary evil to be avoided.

When angry, count to four. When very angry, swear.

Sometimes too much to drink is barely enough.

The trouble ain't that there is too many fools, but that the lightning ain't distributed right.

Under certain circumstances, profanity provides a relief denied even to prayer.

Humor is mankind's greatest blessing.

Don't let schooling interfere with your education.

Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it.

I don't give a damn for a man that can only spell a word one way.