Ambrose Bierce Quotes

War is God's way of teaching Americans geography.

Photograph: a picture painted by the sun without instruction in art.

Women in love are less ashamed than men. They have less to be ashamed of.

Future. That period of time in which our affairs prosper, our friends are true and our happiness is assured.

Doubt is the father of invention.

Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me.

Heaven lies about us in our infancy and the world begins lying about us pretty soon afterward.

Life - a spiritual pickle preserving the body from decay.

Brain: an apparatus with which we think we think.

Laziness. Unwarranted repose of manner in a person of low degree.

Philosophy: A route of many roads leading from nowhere to nothing.

When you doubt, abstain.

Marriage, n: the state or condition of a community consisting of a master, a mistress, and two slaves, making in all, two.

Ambition. An overmastering desire to be vilified by enemies while living and made ridiculous by friends when dead.

It is evident that skepticism, while it makes no actual change in man, always makes him feel better.

Faith: Belief without evidence in what is told by one who speaks without knowledge, of things without parallel.

Famous, adj.: Conspicuously miserable.

Fidelity - a virtue peculiar to those who are about to be betrayed.

Forgetfulness - a gift of God bestowed upon debtors in compensation for their destitution of conscience.

Fork: An instrument used chiefly for the purpose of putting dead animals into the mouth.

Friendless. Having no favors to bestow. Destitute of fortune. Addicted to utterance of truth and common sense.

Genealogy, n. An account of one's descent from a man who did not particularly care to trace his own.

Genius - to know without having learned; to draw just conclusions from unknown premises; to discern the soul of things.

Happiness: an agreeable sensation arising from contemplating the misery of another.

Eloquence, n. The art of orally persuading fools that white is the color that it appears to be. It includes the gift of making any color appear white.