I intend to live forever, or die trying.
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
I remember the first time I had sex - I kept the receipt.
A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?
Money will not make you happy, and happy will not make you money.
I'm not a vegetarian, but I eat animals who are.
Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him.
If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.
Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men, the other 999 follow women.
Before I speak, I have something important to say.
A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
Getting older is no problem. You just have to live long enough.
I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
Women should be obscene and not heard.
Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!
I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
My mother loved children - she would have given anything if I had been one.
Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have me as a member.
Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows - marriage does.
Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough.
No man goes before his time - unless the boss leaves early.
Q: What do you get when you cross an insomniac, an agnostic, and a dyslexic? A: Someone who stays up all night wondering if there is a Dog.
Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted.