I blame my mother for my poor sex life. All she told me was 'the man goes on top and the woman underneath.' For three years my husband and I slept in bunk beds. Joan Rivers American Comedian More Joan Rivers Quotes 3
I succeeded by saying what everyone else is thinking. Joan Rivers American Comedian More Joan Rivers Quotes 2
I have become my own version of an optimist. If I can't make it through one door, I'll go through another door - or I'll make a door. Something terrific will come no matter how dark the present. Joan Rivers American More Joan Rivers Quotes 1
I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them. Joan Rivers American Comedian More Joan Rivers Quotes 1
I have no methods; all I do is accept people as they are. Joan Rivers American Comedian More Joan Rivers Quotes 0
I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio. Joan Rivers American Comedian More Joan Rivers Quotes 0
I don't excercise. If God had wanted me to bend over, he would have put diamonds on the floor. Joan Rivers American Comedian More Joan Rivers Quotes 0
I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again. Joan Rivers American Comedian More Joan Rivers Quotes 0
For as one star another far exceeds, So souls in heaven are placed by their deeds. Joan Rivers American More Joan Rivers Quotes 0
Once you begin to believe there is help "out there," you will know it to be true. Joan Rivers American More Joan Rivers Quotes 0
No steam or gas ever drives anything until it is confined. No Niagara is ever turned into light and power until it is tunneled. No life ever grows until it is focused, dedicated, disciplined. Joan Rivers American More Joan Rivers Quotes 0
You make the beds, you do the dishes, and six months later you have to start all over again. Joan Rivers American More Joan Rivers Quotes 0
A woman went to a plastic surgeon and asked him to make her like Bo Derek. He gave her a labotomy. Joan Rivers American More Joan Rivers Quotes 0
My mother could make anybody feel guilty - she used to get letters of apology from people she didn't even know. Joan Rivers American More Joan Rivers Quotes 0
Dont talk to me about Valentines Day. At my age an affair of the heart is a bypass! Joan Rivers American More Joan Rivers Quotes 0
A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen or twenty mistakes she's a tramp. Joan Rivers American Comedian More Joan Rivers Quotes 0
Before we make love my husband takes a pain killer. Joan Rivers American Comedian More Joan Rivers Quotes 0
Boy George is all England needs - another queen who can't dress. Joan Rivers American Comedian More Joan Rivers Quotes 0
Diets, like clothes, should be tailored to you. Joan Rivers American Comedian More Joan Rivers Quotes 0
Don't follow any advice, no matter how good, until you feel as deeply in your spirit as you think in your mind that the counsel is wise. Joan Rivers American Comedian More Joan Rivers Quotes 0
Don't tell your kids you had an easy birth or they won't respect you. For years I used to wake up my daughter and say, 'Melissa you ripped me to shreds. Now go back to sleep.'. Joan Rivers American Comedian More Joan Rivers Quotes 0
Elizabeth Taylor has more chins than the Chinese telephone directory. Joan Rivers American Comedian More Joan Rivers Quotes 0