Larry David Quotes

There's a sense of spontaneity, and no emphasis on jokes in this show. People generally talk the way they talk in life if you were in this particular situation.

Trying on pants is one of the most humiliating things a man can suffer that doesn't involve a woman.

Until I started doing standup, there were some very bleak days.

Well, as you know, I'm really only happy when I'm on stage.

When I was living in New York and didn't have a penny to my name, I would walk around the streets and occasionally I would see an alcove or something. And I'd think, that'll be good, that'll be a good spot for me when I'm homeless.

When you're not concerned with succeeding, you can work with complete freedom.

Women love a self-confident bald man.

People have often wondered how they'd feel if they were adopted. I think it's funny.

I aspire to be like that character. He's honest. It's the things I'm thinking but not saying.

I'll have a vanilla... one of those vanilla bullshit things. You know, whatever you want, some vanilla bullshit latte cappa thing. Whatever you got.

The biggest part of it is editing. It takes longer to edit one episode than to shoot it and write it.

It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia ... Seinfeld.

She didn't even tell me! ... She told my assistant!

Actually I walk around with the Emmy wherever I go, but I'm very casual about it.

And eventually as I kept writing it, something emerged that was not quite me but a version of me.

Anyone can be confident with a full head of hair. But a confident bald man - there's your diamond in the rough.

Drugs scared me.

Even back then, I exuded self-confidence, and that drives women crazy.

Even though the National Guard and Army Reserve see combat today, it rankles me that people assume it was some kind of waltz in the park back then.

Every relationship is just so tenuous and precarious.

Hear the birds? Sometimes I like to pretend that I'm deaf and I try to imagine what it's like not to be able to hear them. It's not that bad.

Hey, I may loathe myself, but it has nothing to do with the fact that I'm Jewish.

I couldn't be happier that President Bush has stood up for having served in the National Guard, because I can finally put an end to all those who questioned my motives for enlisting in the Army Reserve at the height of the Vietnam War.

I don't think anyone really is interested in reading about my emotional state. It's not even interesting to me.

I learned the first night that IHOP's not the place to order fish.