Women would rather be right than reasonable.
The trouble with a kitten is that eventually it becomes a cat.
Parents were invented to make children happy by giving them something to ignore.
Too clever is dumb.
People who work sitting down get paid more than people who work standing up.
Children aren't happy without something to ignore, And that's what parents were created for.
They take the paper and they read the headlines, so they've heard of unemployment and they've heard of bread lines, and they philanthropically cure them all by getting up a costume charity ball.
Sleep is perverse as human nature, Sleep is perverse as a legislature, Sleep is as forward as hives or goiters, And where it is least desired, it loiters.
Basketball, a game which won't be fit for people until they set the basket umbilicus-high and return the giraffes to the zoo.
There are people who are very resourceful, at being remorseful, and who apparently feel that the best way to make friends is to do something terrible and then make amends.
There is only one way to achieve happiness on this terrestrial ball, and that is to have either a clear conscience or none at all.
To keep your marriage brimming, With love in the loving cup, Whenever you're wrong, admit it; Whenever you're right, shut up.
People who have what they want are fond of telling people who haven't what they want that they really don't want it.
Professional men, they have no cares; whatever happens, they get theirs.
Progress might have been alright once, but it has gone on too long.
Remorse is a violent dyspepsia of the mind.
Some debts are fun when you are acquiring them, but none are fun when you set about retiring them.
The bed is a bundle of paradoxes: we go to it with reluctance, yet we quit it with regret; we make up our minds every night to leave it early, but we make up our bodies every morning to keep it late.
The cow is of the bovine ilk; one end is moo, the other milk.
The most exciting happiness is the happiness generated by forces beyond your control.
The only people who should really sin are the people who can sin and grin.
Do you think my mind is maturing late,Or simply rotted early?
There is only one way to achieve happiness on this terrestrial ball, And that is to have either a clear conscience, or none at all.
Indoors or out, no one relaxes in March, that month of wind and taxes, the wind will presently disappear, the taxes last us all the year.
The trouble with a kitten is that when it grows up, it's always a cat.