Life is one long process of getting tired.
If life must not be taken too seriously, then so neither must death.
God cannot alter the past, though historians can.
Man is the only animal that can remain on friendly terms with the victims he intends to eat until he eats them.
God was satisfied with his own work, and that is fatal.
Parents are the last people on earth who ought to have children.
If I die prematurely I shall be saved from being bored to death at my own success.
Friendship is like money, easier made than kept.
In law, nothing is certain but the expense.
Man is the only animal that laughs and has a state legislature.
Evil is like water, it abounds, is cheap, soon fouls, but runs itself clear of taint.
Fear is static that prevents me from hearing myself.
I do not mind lying, but I hate inaccuracy.
All truth is not to be told at all times.
The Bible may be the truth, but it is not the whole truth and nothing but the truth.
A blind man knows he cannot see, and is glad to be led, though it be by a dog; but he that is blind in his understanding, which is the worst blindness of all, believes he sees as the best, and scorns a guide.
All of the animals except for man know that the principle business of life is to enjoy it.
Every man's work, whether it be literature or music or pictures or anything else, is always a portrait of himself, and the more he tries to conceal himself the more clearly will his character appear in spite of him.
The truest characters of ignorance are vanity, and pride and arrogance.
It has beeen said that the love of money is the root of all evil. The want of money is so quite as truly.
Logic is like the sword--those who appeal to it shall perish by it.
Young as he was, his instinct told him that the best liar is he who makes the smallest amount of lying go the longest way - who husbands it too carefully to waste it where it can be dispensed with.
They say the test of literary power is whether a man can write an inscription. I say, 'Can he name a kitten?'.
People are always good company when they are doing what they really enjoy.
People are lucky and unlucky not according to what they get absolutely, but according to the ratio between what they get and what they have been led to expect.