I intend to live forever. So far, so good. Steven Wright American Comedian More Steven Wright Quotes 8
Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time. Steven Wright American Comedian More Steven Wright Quotes 6
I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done. Steven Wright American Comedian More Steven Wright Quotes 6
I had a friend who was a clown. When he died, all his friends went to the funeral in one car. Steven Wright American Comedian More Steven Wright Quotes 4
Last night I stayed up late playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died. Steven Wright American Comedian More Steven Wright Quotes 4
Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect. Steven Wright American Comedian More Steven Wright Quotes 3
When I die, I'm leaving my body to science fiction. Steven Wright American Comedian More Steven Wright Quotes 3
The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus is missing. Steven Wright American Comedian More Steven Wright Quotes 3
The other day I... uh, no, that wasn't me. Steven Wright American Comedian More Steven Wright Quotes 0
There was a power outage at a department store yesterday. Twenty people were trapped on the escalators. Steven Wright American Comedian More Steven Wright Quotes 0
There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot. Steven Wright American Comedian More Steven Wright Quotes 0
When I was a kid, I went to the store and asked the guy, Do you have any toy train schedules? Steven Wright American Comedian More Steven Wright Quotes 0
When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child... eventually. Steven Wright American Comedian More Steven Wright Quotes 0
When I was crossing the border into Canada, they asked if I had any firearms with me. I said, "Well, what do you need?" Steven Wright American Comedian More Steven Wright Quotes 0
When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, "Did you sleep good?" I said "No, I made a few mistakes." Steven Wright American Comedian More Steven Wright Quotes 0
Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories. Steven Wright American Comedian More Steven Wright Quotes 0
Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff. Steven Wright American Comedian More Steven Wright Quotes 0
You can't have everything. Where would you put it? Steven Wright American Comedian More Steven Wright Quotes 0
Two babies were born on the same day at the same hospital. They lay there and looked at each other. Their families came and took them away. Eighty years later, by a bizarre coincidence, they lay in the same hospital, on their deathbeds, next to each other. One of them looked at the other and said, so. What did you think? Steven Wright American Comedian More Steven Wright Quotes 0
I was at this restaurant. The sign said "Breakfast Anytime." So I ordered French Toast in the Renaissance. Steven Wright American Comedian More Steven Wright Quotes 0
Sponges grow in the ocean. This bothers me. How deep would it be if they didn't? Steven Wright American Comedian More Steven Wright Quotes 0