I intend to live forever. So far, so good. Steven Wright American Comedian More Steven Wright Quotes 8
Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time. Steven Wright American Comedian More Steven Wright Quotes 6
I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done. Steven Wright American Comedian More Steven Wright Quotes 6
I had a friend who was a clown. When he died, all his friends went to the funeral in one car. Steven Wright American Comedian More Steven Wright Quotes 4
Last night I stayed up late playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died. Steven Wright American Comedian More Steven Wright Quotes 4
When I die, I'm leaving my body to science fiction. Steven Wright American Comedian More Steven Wright Quotes 4
The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus is missing. Steven Wright American Comedian More Steven Wright Quotes 3
Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect. Steven Wright American Comedian More Steven Wright Quotes 3
Do you think that when they asked George Washington for ID that he just whipped out a quarter? Steven Wright American Comedian More Steven Wright Quotes 0
Don't you hate when your hand falls asleep and you know it will be up all night. Steven Wright American Comedian More Steven Wright Quotes 0
Ever notice how irons have a setting for permanent press? I don't get it. Steven Wright American Comedian More Steven Wright Quotes 0
A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths. Steven Wright American Comedian More Steven Wright Quotes 0
At one point he decided enough was enough. Steven Wright American Comedian More Steven Wright Quotes 0
Babies don't need a vacation, but I still see them at the beach... it pisses me off! I'll go over to a little baby and say 'What are you doing here? You haven't worked a day in your life!' Steven Wright American Comedian More Steven Wright Quotes 0
Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country. Steven Wright American Comedian More Steven Wright Quotes 0
For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier... I put them in the same room and let them fight it out. Steven Wright American Comedian More Steven Wright Quotes 0
George is a radio announcer, and when he walks under a bridge... you can't hear him talk. Steven Wright American Comedian More Steven Wright Quotes 0
I bought some batteries, but they weren't included. Steven Wright American Comedian More Steven Wright Quotes 0
I bought some instant water one time but I didn't know what to add to it. Steven Wright American Comedian More Steven Wright Quotes 0
I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he can get me five. Steven Wright American Comedian More Steven Wright Quotes 0
I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol. Steven Wright American Comedian More Steven Wright Quotes 0
I got a chain letter by fax. It's very simple. You just fax a dollar bill to everybody on the list. Steven Wright American Comedian More Steven Wright Quotes 0