Fashions have done more harm than revolutions.
It's hard to lead a cavalry charge if you think you look funny on a horse.
But I think you can make fun of anything as long as it's funny enough.
Well, I'm not afraid to say something if I think it's funny, even if it's harsh or racist.
I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day.
A lot of the tabloid stories are written so well, they're very clever and very funny. But you have to focus on what's really important and not read them - don't dive into it and don't get caught up in it.
Everybody knows how to raise children, except the people who have them.
Never fight an inanimate object.
He taught me housekeeping; when I divorce I keep the house.
I got attention by being funny at school, pretending to be retarded, and jumping around with a deformed hand.
Every man has his follies - and often they are the most interesting thing he has got.
Flattery is like cologne water, to be smelt, not swallowed.
Parrots make great pets. They have more personality than goldfish.
It is not funny that anything else should fall down; only that a man should fall down. Why do we laugh? Because it is a gravely religious matter: it is the Fall of Man. Only man can be absurd: for only man can be dignified.
I made a supreme effort not to do that thing that parents do, which is to bore people without children to death by going on and on about how funny their children are, so there's none of that hopefully.
A vegetarian is a person who won't eat anything that can have children.
When I go to a bar, I don't go looking for a girl who knows the capital of Maine.
The thing I thought about doing it was it's Comic Relief and you've got to be funny. So although I did try to sing properly it obviously has hilarious results when you can't sing.
If at first you don't succeed, blame your parents.
I find it very easy playing Bond. I think he's hilarious. He gets himself into some extraordinarily funny situations.
Life was a funny thing that happened to me on the way to the grave.
I love doing stuff with Todd Barry and Jon Benjamin. We give the stage to good bands and funny people.
I'll think of the idea and then I'll write something down, then within that there will be a joke or two which is the original thing which I thought was funny.
It's not about trying to be funny all the time. It's more of a document that hopefully is funny.
There's nothing cure or funny or lovable about being cheap. It's a total turn-off.